Těžko říct, je mi líto

Assalamualaikum wbt and good day to everyone.

"Sorry seems to be the hardest word"

Nope, it’s not about that song, I am just quoting the above mentioned lyric, and just that.

Some people find this very agreeable, while I used to think differently.

I mean, what’s so hard about asking for forgiveness? I used to think that people who refuse to apologize are selfish people, and why would people want to be selfish and willing to take the pain of arguing back and forth when they can simply end it by saying “I’m sorry”, "Je mi lito", “It’s my fault” etc (you can add them up as you wish, the apology words I mean)

But, little did I know that I was partly wrong (and partly right), which goes down to :

1.       Asking for forgiveness is indeed hard.

2.       People who refuse to apologize are extremely selfish people, and that selfish people are willing to have endless arguments, just to prove that they are right and others are wrong.

It never occurred to me that the song by Elton John and (insertthegrouphere) [eden terlupa pulak, BLUE? Ade ke? CN BLUE memang ade. BLUE? Erm..] actually directed to those who are close to each other, I mean REALLY close.

Tapi kan, sebenarnya memang that song meant to be that way, tapi tu la, being the ignorant me, I just take the song at face value. (plus the only line and tune I know from that song is just “sorry seems to be the hardest word). *gelengkepala*

Okay, what I’ve been trying to say is, we find it really hard to say SORRY (and in addition, THANK YOU) to those people who are close to us, be it family or friends. Why? Here goes my explanation.

It is hard for us to apologize to family and friends after we did wrong because we don’t feel that we need to. Because, well, they are our family and friends, they are CLOSE to us, they KNOW US WELL. So if we did wrong, it is given that they will forgive us, right? So, why should we bother to apologize? 

It is hard for us to thank our family and friends after we receive help or something from them because we don’t feel that we need to. Because (again) they are our family and friends, they are CLOSE to us. It is given that they should help us when we are in need. So, why should we bother to thank them?

Note the bold words. That’s how we people become selfish; selfish people who take things for granted, not appreciating things we have. Because we always justify that things should be our ways because we deserve it.

People, be nice to your family, and be nice to your close ones. They are all we’ve got.

Try to be the ones to apologize first because you won’t lose anything. Instead you will gain more love and respect.

Don’t forget to be thankful to those people around you, because you won’t lose anything. Instead you will gain more love and respect.

Think how magical those words are in mending our relationship with people around us.

Actually this realization hit me after I myself got into conflict with somebody close to me. Aha, no detail of course, but it is fair to say that I’m trying to improve myself. *senyumdenganmatapandangkirikanan*

Dan sebetulnya, tak guna kalau kita beria-ia minta maaf dan berterima kasih dengan orang luar, kalau orang yang dekat dengan kita tak dilayan sebaik itu. Tak adil kan? 
(Betul, betul, betul – Ipin)

This is Diyana reminding you (and myself); just in case you (and I) forgot.

Sabda Rasulullah SAW yang bermaksud:

“Orang yang paling baik di kalangan kamu ialah orang yang paling baik (pergaulannya) dengan ahli keluarga dan aku adalah yang terbaik dari kalangan kamu dalam pergaulan dengan ahli keluargaku.”

(Ibnu Majah dan Ibnu Hibban).

It’s late, I know, but,

SALAM MAULIDUR RASUL.

And I miss the 9 girls dearly.
And I miss ex-occupants of Vyšehrad.
And I miss the girls in Apt 4 and 10.
지지 언니,당신을보고 싶어요.

Na Shledanou, NOT..

I’m writing this for those people whom I’ll leave, whom I dreamed off in my sleep last night, and shed my tears for.

I’m writing this to tell them and myself, that I am okay, and I will always try to be okay; that they are okay, and will always be.

I’m writing this to remind them and myself, that although we are separated across the globe, we are still on the same place; that although we stand on different soils, our hearts remain together.

I’m writing this to tell them, that 5 years is a long time, yet it feels so short; that life taught me lots of things about myself and about them, but it feels like I learned so little.

I'm writing this to tell them, that I am thankful for everything, for all the things they have done for me, but the thing that I'm thankful the most is THEM, because they are the best thing ever happened in my life.

They shared a fair portion of my youth, a fair portion of my adolescence, and I shared theirs too.

They are the secret holders of mine, and the ones who know me inside and out.

They watched my growth, and I watched them grow.

At this last moment of being together, I would like to apologize to them for everything, and I forgive them for everything.

I will remember them, and will miss them dearly.

Do not say goodbye, because goodbye kills the hope of meeting again.

And who knows? We may meet again.

Say it. 
WE WILL MEET AGAIN, INSYAALLAH.

emirates, tanah melayu and me

Bismillah
I bought the ticket yesterday.
I'm going back to tanah melayu tomorrow.


After went hunting high and low for ticket 
(even considered helsinki, seoul, beijing and hong kong as transit),
akhirnya ada jugak tiket emirates 
(the regular ones with transit in dubai)
*insertmygrinhere*

The confirmation email 
(bragging here, because I'm a brat at heart)

Bukan sedikit orang cakap how fortunate i am to get the ticket for 800 euro in this peak season.
True, there could be a silver lining in my (dark?) cloud.


I was contemplating whether nak balik atau tak, and i said to kak alia that i'm scared my decision to go home for a while is not the right choice at the moment.
But kata-kata kak alia (as usual), left me with overwhelming feelings :
"Allah mudahkan awak untuk dapatkan tiket, Diyana, dengan harga yang murah pulak tu. Sedang kawan-kawan awak duk struggle cari tiket. It could only means that keputusan awak untuk balik tu adalah keputusan yang betul." 


I had a sharing session with kak alia (and few friends), and this video really pings my heart. Motivation for all hearts!








"Accept Allah as your Master, and accept yourself as a Slave" 
The second part is always the hardest one.


To Zizi 언니,  감사합니다  for the message. 
나도 사랑해요 =)

pain is a part of growing up

"Gagal sekali, bukan bermakna gagal selama-lamanya"
Ever heard of that?
It WAS my favourite quote (when I WAS back in school)
Ahh.. The innocence of childhood and teenhood.
I was too young, too idealistic back then, or perhaps, too optimistic(?)
Sebab? Jarang menghadapi kegagalan.
"Gagal sekali, bukan bermakna gagal selama-lamanya"
Kalau gagal berkali-kali? Macam mana?
Won't it be the sign that the thing I'm doing and working for right now is never meant to be my fate?
That perhaps I chose the wrong path?
That perhaps I should stop?
Perhaps I should turn my way back?


Baik, kenapa entri Cik Diyana sangat-sangat negatif pada kali ini?
Bad news, peeps.
I failed.
Gagal.
I know, it's not the end of the world yet.
Sangat tahu. Sangat faham.
Sebab ini bukan perkara biasa bila belajar di sini.
Semua orang rasa benda yang sama.
In fact.
I feel nothing right now.
Mental and emotional numbness.
Disebabkan dah terlalu banyak menghadapi mehnah & cabaran sedemikian rupa, dah tak tahu nak rasa apa.
As if my feelings have been drained out of myself.
Pasrahkah?
I was too calm when I accepted the failure. As if I lost hope.
No tears at all, just a lifeless sigh.
I was emotionally numbed, till I saw that tears.
My dear friend's tears when she learns about my failure.
I was emotionally numbed, till I heard her voice talking to me.
My dear sister's tone when she learns about my failure.
It made me realized that at this faraway land, I should be thankful that I have these precious people to be my crutches and pillars.
Jazakillah Sab, sebab menangis untuk kami.
Jazakillah Kak Alia, kerana kata-kata akak sentiasa menenangkan saya, dan mengingatkan betapa sebenarnya saya kuat kerana dipilih untuk diuji.
Jazakumullah semua, kerana sentiasa berada di sisi. 
Terkadang rasa kalian lebih dekat dari keluarga sendiri. 
Kalian sebahagian daripada saya, 
dan saya sebahagian daripada kalian.




These words are for my present and future self 
(should my future self encounter the same thing again)
Dearest self, these were the things you asked. 
Now listen to the answers.
Kalau gagal berkali-kali? Macam mana?
Won't it be the sign that the thing I'm doing and working for right now is never meant to be my fate?
Says who? Lot's of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Would you like to be those people? 
Persevere just a bit.
That perhaps I chose the wrong path?
When Allah made you choose something, He is with you, and He will always be with you along the way, as long as you believe in Him. 
Him being always with you, what more could you ask for?
That perhaps I should stop?
Yes, you should stop once in a while. Take a breather. 
Perhaps I should turn my way back?
Yes, do turn around. But don't walk back. 
Just turn around. 
And reflect.


p/s 1 : Yikes. My future self might be embarrassed to read this entry again. This post might get deleted anytime. It is written when I was overwhelmed with emotion.
p/s 2 : Called mak today. Told her that perhaps I'm coming home before taking the next exam, and she asked, "bile akak nak balik? esok?" 
[Myself, "uh-oh,makbuatlawak" (dalam hati)], 
and I answered her, "Mak, orang balik ni bukan naik bas transnasional boleh beli tiket balik esok terus," 
Mak gelak =), Sab yang tengah mendengar pun gelak sama. 

MAK, AKU & SAKIT RUMAH.. T_T

Assalamualaikum wbt..

± 6 months being abroad.. (sigh).. I thought I am immune enough to counterback the HOMESICK virus yang selalunye mnyerang insan-insan sepertiku ini (who is miles and miles away from home).. Guess now I'm at my limit..

Well, if and only if Doraemon does exist, there will be only 2 things I'll ask from him; Pintu Suka Hati & Mesin Cahaya Masa. I know, I know that I'm starting to sound like outerspace human creature, rambling bout useless things (Doraemon? Seriously I need to escape from my 4 dimensional world). But, being intrinsic-ly alone brings out the other side of you... (Okay yana, stop rambling)

Out of blue, the motor neuron that innervates my digits sends impulses to my skeletal muscle yang gatal buka iGoogle tab.

SEARCHBOX : Jika terdengar suara azan, bergema sayu menjelang pagi

RESULT : Madah Terakhir - Orkes El Suraya / Rukiah Zain

Then, I clicked the link and listen to the song. My mom's fav.. MAK!! Orang rindu!!!! Selama ni kalo Skype @ VoipBuster ngan mak, I'll only talk about how I miss Malaysia; my family, the foods and the surrounding (eheh).. I never particularly said how much I miss her (or did I?). Instead, I'll ask :

"Mak rindu orang tak?"

And she'll always reply something like:

"Mak rindu sangat kat akak, tengok muka je kat komputer/dengar suara kat telefon tak puas, mak nak peluk akak sangat2.."

And I'll reply,

"(laughs) Iye ke? (nada x percaya + mngusik) Farah, Lin, Fikri & Husna kan ade.."

Mak will say:

"Takkan same punye dengan anak sulung mak tu.."

Even if I said I miss her, I wasn't being 100% truthful on that time (truk kan?) I did said sweet words for my Mom who longs for her eldest daughter (shakes head).. Mak!! Ampun! Orang betul-betul rindu sekarang nih!!!

The funny thing is, when I get sick (even minor sickness, eg: headache, stomache), I'll lie down on my bed, thinking about my Mom and remembering the things that she'll do when she sees me in that situation. Seriously, I hate medical appointments, meeting doctors, going to hospitals, swallowing pills (I'm not good at eating those). So, my Mom will be the one who apply the oinment @ picit my kepala. Erm, ingat mak bile sakit.. Ntah ape2 je, kan?

Okay, back to the Orkes El Suraya thingy, the "classic song" - says Kak Aqielah (bukan nama sebenar).. Put the link on my YM status.. Bile dengar lagu tu, terus rase berair mata ni... Nasib x meleleh je coz Yan n Maira were in the room. And I casually let them listening to it, casually saying that "It's my Mom's fav", with a broad, huge smile. And Kak Aqielah (bukan nama sebenar) buzzed kat YM n suruh nyanyi that classic song, i was like "Owh, ade gak orang dengar lagu ni ek".. Then, Sab (juga bukan nama sebenar) tegur kat YM and said something like "Syahdu sungguh lagu fav mak awak (kinda poetic, kan Sab?), kite pun rindu mak kite gak.. takpe, nanti kita balik Malaysia same-same, InsyaAllah.." On that particular time, I felt the surge to fly back home right away (hyperbola, I know). But then I realised, the reason of why I am here is because of my Mom and the family (second to Allah), and I should do my best to keep them happy, eventhough from afar. How? By doing my best in my study. And not to forget, always pray for them (& of course, increase the # of phone calls). Because...

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُه فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ

وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ عَلى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

And We enjoined upon man goodness towards his parents: his mother bore him by bearing strain upon strain, and his weaning takes two years. Hence, be thankful to Me and to your parents. With Me is the end of all journeys. Yet, should they endeavour to force you to make gods beside Allah, of whom you have no knowledge then do not obey them. But, even then keep them company in this world's life with customary good behaviour, but follow the faith of those who turn towards Me. [Luqman 31: 14-15.]

وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

You shall lower to them your wings of humility and pray: "O Rabb! Bestow on them Your blessings just as they cherished me when I was a little child."(Al Israa' 17:24)

Dan, dengan penuh rasa gembira, besar hati dan bangga, saya ingin menyatakan bahawa:

And guys, this is my mom's fav song... Mind sharing your mom's? =)

Madah Terakhir

Jika terdengar suara azan
Bergema sayu menjelang pagi
Dalam irama ku kirim pesan
Sebagai tanda aku dah pergi

Jangan ditanya sebab kerena
Mengapa aku pergi menghindar
Dari kau dekat tapi merana
Elok ku jauh tinggal mendengar

( korus )
Biarlah aku pergi dahulu
Tidak tertahan lagi derita
Semoga yang tinggal senyum selalu
Yang pergi hilang lenyap berita

Bila kelak daku terkenang
Ku tatap bintang di malam kelam
Bila tak sanggup daku berenang
Ku relakan diri hanyut tenggelam

*********************************************************

Selamat Hari Lahir yang ke 49 buat Encik Syed Mohd Bakhtiar, bapa saya yang tersayang... 26 MAC

(I know, I supposedly dedicate this post for my father, for his birthday.. But our Prophet SAW says to obey mom 3 times more that dad, that's why I'm making the post for my Mom first ~ acceptable x reasoning tuh?) Abah! Orang akan buat satu post khas tentang Abah nanti ek.. Tunggu..... (^^)

Thanks to those who read this post till the end.. Check out this interesting link:

http://islamicstudiesbymuqith.blogspot.com/2009/03/from-surah-luqman-verses-13-19.html

Enjoy spilling my thoughts on blogger, although it took my precious 1 1/2 study hours.. Need to speed up after this.. >_<

I Can't Explain You

Assalamualaikum wbt..

It's been a while since I wrote my latest post. Don't feel like blogging.. *sigh*

Anyways, since website means laman sesawang, let my blog bersawang... hehe...

Apepun, thanks to Ain who let me participate in one of the greatest online Islamic conference (in fact, this is my first), talking about Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)..

This poem by Aaron Haroon Sellars really strucked me; it was beautifully written and meaningful (bak kata Ain, Sab & Maira ~ puisi tuh sampai ke hati) =)

Hopefully we (you and me) can madly, deeply, "intoxicatedly" fall in love with this greatest creature of God. The best father, husband, friend, leader, teacher, and human being..

I wish that you readers enjoy this wonderful poem as much as I (and my friends) do.. =)

I Can’t Explain You (Oh Messenger of God)
by Aaron Haroon Sellars 4/24/08

I could not write about you
For fear
Fear of your presence
And fear of
My hearts’ brittleness
That I might die
In this pursuit
Yet wishing to die
In this state of intoxicated love
This is the conflict within me
Language cannot explain
Except the language
Of tears and laughter
Even the molecules
Of my body
Shake and tremble
With awe and excitement!

I just can’t explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can’t explain you!

Sometimes I forget
To say “Prophet” before your name
Not from heedlessness
But from desirous haste
To just say your name!
Muhammad, Muhammad, Muhammad!

I just can’t explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can’t explain you!

Oh the mystery of how
You have captured my heart
As a Christian
I loved the Prophets
Before you
But with you
I get them all!
I can love
Abraham, Moses and Jesus
Just by loving you!
Without this love
Your nation falls
With it
They are purified and irresistible!
Let those who
Possess this love
Not be stingy
Take it to the marketplace!
The workplace
And especially the home

It’s hard to explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can’t explain you!

Seeing the land of your life
Causes some to live
And seeing your grave
Causes some to die
Nothing is more difficult
Than you

In my youth
I have written easily
My love for many
But when I encountered you
The translator of my heart
Fell mute
Lost in inexplicable wonder!

That is hard to explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can’t explain you!

You sacrificed for me
Before I was even born
How should I thank you
As I now walk upon the earth?
My heart holds your love
My tongue sends you blessings
But it is my limbs
That often fall short
All this controversy about you
A proof of the veil
On the hearts of your enemies
And a proof against those
Who only follow you with words
But don’t turn your face from me
As I reach for a drink
From your soft hands

Because it’s hard to explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can’t explain you!

BATCH BOOK...

Assalamualaik...
Well, the AIC (Academic Intensive Committee) instructed us to jot few things in a half A4 paper, to make our very own scrapbook (IB Batch 3)
Everybody came out with their unique ideas : Rose dgn mind map nye, syamin ngan kucingnye, fatin ngan poem nye, shafa ngan "diari" nye, azhani plak mmg confirm mlukis punyer.. yada.. yada...
And.... I was left behind... I'm not creative, so I can't write poems or draw, paint my feelings.. Time tgh2 duk melangut dpn buku Math, an idea strucks me!!! Songs could be a great gift to my friends... But it seems effortless... Erk, cut it out.. It sounds trivial, but.. Whether you love me @ hate me, I LIVE...

Time of Your Life

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this task and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hipe you have the time of your life

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while

*Right.. I chose this song as it gives me the best picture about my life in here.. Indeed, knowing these people (rakyat2 kerajaan KMS) is one of the best thing in my life that I shall reminisce forever.. Eceh.. Hehe.. Okay, one more song.. Music!!

So Long, Goodbye

A time passes by, direction unknown
You've left us now, but we're not alone
Before you know it, your cups overflown
You measured no one that I've ever known

And it's quite alright, and goodbye for now
Just look up to the stars and believe who you are
Cause it's quite alright, and so long goodbye

We always knew that it'd come to this
It's times like this I forget what I miss
Matters of heart are hard to address
Especially when yours is full of emptiness

*Asmaa' said "Lagu ni sdey r D.... tapi lirik die best.."
Yep, that's the point.. I like the chorus the most "Just look up to the stars and believe who you are.."
And again.. It is not really a GOODBYE.. Not when we are to meet again.. InsyaAllah...

This is what I wrote at the bottom of the lyrics (hopefully the AIC would not "trim" my piece and accept it as what it is...)

Assalamualaik..
These are the things that we did and ought to do:
1. Creating, sharing and reminiscing the exuberance and memories we had throughout the 2 years of silent pain
2. Forgive and forget
3. Cherish the everlasting friendship

Each of you is scar in my heart; scar never heals, so all of you will be remained with me, eternally...

Things can get tough:
Dealing with the past, living with the present and fighting for the future..
[Easy, no. Possible, yes]

Yep, these songs represent what I feel about you, IB Batch 3 (yawn)
I'm no good with words either.

never say never

assalamualaikum..

life won't be easy... seriously.. no matter how hard it is.. keep going on is the priority..

have faith in urself, ur capability..

if u r still uncertain about urself, turn to the Almighty

let people say things about u.. u r what u meant 2 be...

never say never….

erm..... this song was introduced by my good friend... enough to keep me inspired... hee..

Pieces

I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it,
I don’t believe it makes me real.
I thought it’d be easy,
But no one believes me,
I meant all the things I said.

If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.

This place is so empty,
My thoughts are so tempting,
I don’t know how it got so bad.
Sometimes it’s so crazy,
that nothing can save me,
But it’s the only thing that I have.

If you believe it's in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I'm better off on my own.

On my own...

I tried to be perfect,
It just wasn't worth it,
Nothing could ever be so wrong.
It’s hard to believe me,
It never gets easy,
I guess I knew that all along.

If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.