Saturday, June 30, 2012

emirates, tanah melayu and me

I bought the ticket yesterday.
I'm going back to tanah melayu tomorrow.

After went hunting high and low for ticket 
(even considered helsinki, seoul, beijing and hong kong as transit),
akhirnya ada jugak tiket emirates 
(the regular ones with transit in dubai)

The confirmation email 
(bragging here, because I'm a brat at heart)

Bukan sedikit orang cakap how fortunate i am to get the ticket for 800 euro in this peak season.
True, there could be a silver lining in my (dark?) cloud.

I was contemplating whether nak balik atau tak, and i said to kak alia that i'm scared my decision to go home for a while is not the right choice at the moment.
But kata-kata kak alia (as usual), left me with overwhelming feelings :
"Allah mudahkan awak untuk dapatkan tiket, Diyana, dengan harga yang murah pulak tu. Sedang kawan-kawan awak duk struggle cari tiket. It could only means that keputusan awak untuk balik tu adalah keputusan yang betul." 

I had a sharing session with kak alia (and few friends), and this video really pings my heart. Motivation for all hearts!

"Accept Allah as your Master, and accept yourself as a Slave" 
The second part is always the hardest one.

To Zizi 언니,  감사합니다  for the message. 
나도 사랑해요 =)

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

pain is a part of growing up

"Gagal sekali, bukan bermakna gagal selama-lamanya"
Ever heard of that?
It WAS my favourite quote (when I WAS back in school)
Ahh.. The innocence of childhood and teenhood.
I was too young, too idealistic back then, or perhaps, too optimistic(?)
Sebab? Jarang menghadapi kegagalan.
"Gagal sekali, bukan bermakna gagal selama-lamanya"
Kalau gagal berkali-kali? Macam mana?
Won't it be the sign that the thing I'm doing and working for right now is never meant to be my fate?
That perhaps I chose the wrong path?
That perhaps I should stop?
Perhaps I should turn my way back?

Baik, kenapa entri Cik Diyana sangat-sangat negatif pada kali ini?
Bad news, peeps.
I failed.
I know, it's not the end of the world yet.
Sangat tahu. Sangat faham.
Sebab ini bukan perkara biasa bila belajar di sini.
Semua orang rasa benda yang sama.
In fact.
I feel nothing right now.
Mental and emotional numbness.
Disebabkan dah terlalu banyak menghadapi mehnah & cabaran sedemikian rupa, dah tak tahu nak rasa apa.
As if my feelings have been drained out of myself.
I was too calm when I accepted the failure. As if I lost hope.
No tears at all, just a lifeless sigh.
I was emotionally numbed, till I saw that tears.
My dear friend's tears when she learns about my failure.
I was emotionally numbed, till I heard her voice talking to me.
My dear sister's tone when she learns about my failure.
It made me realized that at this faraway land, I should be thankful that I have these precious people to be my crutches and pillars.
Jazakillah Sab, sebab menangis untuk kami.
Jazakillah Kak Alia, kerana kata-kata akak sentiasa menenangkan saya, dan mengingatkan betapa sebenarnya saya kuat kerana dipilih untuk diuji.
Jazakumullah semua, kerana sentiasa berada di sisi. 
Terkadang rasa kalian lebih dekat dari keluarga sendiri. 
Kalian sebahagian daripada saya, 
dan saya sebahagian daripada kalian.

These words are for my present and future self 
(should my future self encounter the same thing again)
Dearest self, these were the things you asked. 
Now listen to the answers.
Kalau gagal berkali-kali? Macam mana?
Won't it be the sign that the thing I'm doing and working for right now is never meant to be my fate?
Says who? Lot's of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Would you like to be those people? 
Persevere just a bit.
That perhaps I chose the wrong path?
When Allah made you choose something, He is with you, and He will always be with you along the way, as long as you believe in Him. 
Him being always with you, what more could you ask for?
That perhaps I should stop?
Yes, you should stop once in a while. Take a breather. 
Perhaps I should turn my way back?
Yes, do turn around. But don't walk back. 
Just turn around. 
And reflect.

p/s 1 : Yikes. My future self might be embarrassed to read this entry again. This post might get deleted anytime. It is written when I was overwhelmed with emotion.
p/s 2 : Called mak today. Told her that perhaps I'm coming home before taking the next exam, and she asked, "bile akak nak balik? esok?" 
[Myself, "uh-oh,makbuatlawak" (dalam hati)], 
and I answered her, "Mak, orang balik ni bukan naik bas transnasional boleh beli tiket balik esok terus," 
Mak gelak =), Sab yang tengah mendengar pun gelak sama. 

Monday, June 18, 2012

doa + matlamat (short, intermediate & long term) Part 1

First of all, pardon me for any inappropriateness that might come out from my poor usage of English (grammar, vocabulary & context wise). I'm known as a terrible grammar-butcher.
Secondly, as I write this post, it might evolve from being an intelligent post to something meaningless, but I sincerely hope that it could make you (or at least, me) to think and contemplate about an essence called LIFE.
Thirdly, As some of my readers know, I'm the type of person who makes lengthy post. So I'll try to make it in few parts to tackle this issue.. (eceh, bunyi macam penganalisis politik pulak.. Ooppss bahaya2, tukar2, penganalisis ekonomi.. =p) This is partly due to the encouragement of my "knighted brother" (mentor mentee yg sama time SBPIP dulu.. Yep Syam, i'm talking bout you), who told me to revive this dying blog.
Lastly, as some of my friends (and readers) know, I'm the type of person who does things on impulse; if something piqued my curiousity, I'll immediately take interest, but I'm also the type of person who gets discouraged easily. So, depending on response on this post, I'll decide whether to talk more about this issue in the next parts or not. (warghh.. delusional kah aku? Ada ke orang yang baca & menunggu post blog ni?)

*Enough for the introductions*

DOA = Du'a = Prayer = Supplication
Bila ditanya apa itu doa, the most famous saying will be : 
"Doa itu senjata Mukmin" =)
Semua orang tahu doa tu apa kan? But why not we try to see what are the take of Islamic scholars 
(whoa, how I love that word) 
about du'a.
Menurut buku "Du'a = The Weapon of the Believer" by Abu Ammar Yasir Qadhi (no no, don't misunderstand. I don't read this book, I got too much non-fictions in my unread list, putting more in the list is an absolute no-no) :
1.  du’ā is the verbal noun (masdar) of the verb ‘da’ā’ which symbolizes ‘to call out , to summon’ - Ibn Al Mandhūr al Afriqī (death date is unknown)
2. The meaning of du’ā is the servant’s asking his Lord for His Help, and asking his continued support. Its essence is that a person shows his neediness to Allāh, and frees himself from any power or ability to change (any matter by himself). This characteristic is the mark of servitude, and in it is the feeling of human submissivenessDu’ā also carries the meaning of praising Allāh, and attributing to Him Generosity and Bounteousness.” - al Khattabī (d. 386 AH)
3. “Asking what is of benefit to the person, and asking the removal of what is harming him, or (asking) the repelling of it (before it affects him)” - Ibn Qayyim (d. 751 AH)


Maka, doa boleh disimpulkan sebagai :
1. Mainly as a form of worship (penyembahan) as stated in Surah Yunus (10:106)
Dan janganlah engkau (wahai Muhammad) menyembah atau memuja yang lain daripada Allah, yang tidak dapat mendatangkan manfaat kepadamu dan juga tidak dapat mendatangkan mudarat kepadamu. Oleh itu, sekiranya engkau mengerjakan yang demikian, maka pada saat itu menjadilah engkau dari orang-orang yang berlaku zalim terhadap diri sendiri dengan perbuatan syirik itu.

2. The verbal act of the seeking of aid (pertolongan), as a request (permintaan), call (panggilan), praise (pujian), or speech (ucapan), as stated in Surah al-Baqarah (2:186)
Dan apabila hamba-hambaKu bertanya kepadamu tentang Aku, maka (jawablah), bahawasanya Aku adalah dekat. Aku mengabulkan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila ia memohon kepadaKu, maka hendaklah mereka itu memenuhi (segala perintah) Ku dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepadaKu, agar mereka selalu berada dalam kebenaran.

*there are just many, many Quranic verses talking about du'a & supplications. You peeps might encounter better example than mine*

Maka, the Ultimate Question (with no reference to the Hitchhiker's science fiction series) ialah :

Apa kaitan antara Doa dan Matlamat?
Pernahkah kita distinguish doa untuk matlamat jangka pendek, sederhana, dan panjang?
Let me clarify my take on these 3 things (personal opinions only, no bashing on me please, I'm not that deep of a thinker.)
Matlamat jangka pendek : All those things that are going to happen or you expect/want to happen in the near future (exams, wish of (keep) becoming good child and friend, the well being of your family and friends etc)
Matlamat jangka sederhana : (now this is interesting. hehe.) All those things that you expect/want to happen in, let's say 5-10 (may up to your lifespan). You (We) are actually moving towards it, but unconsciously. Pening ke? Ok la, eden bagi contoh : "Nak jadi doktor yang berjaya, isteri yang solehah, ibu yang baik, keamanan negara dan sebagainya."
Matlamat jangka panjang : No question friends, of course it's about our well-being in the HereAfter.

So, what's your take on this issue? (promoter's tone)
Share your (intellectual and amusing) opinions and arguments.
*earnestly hoping for responses* (runs-and-hides)

So long. (bows)
Wassalam wbt
p/s : Syam, post ni end up panjang jugak la... (-_-)"